Difference

I apologize to anyone who read this post. I think I was going through a funk.
That may finally be lifting, after two years.
Yes, I know, not really a funk--that's depression--but in any case I was feeling particularly lost.
I still don't know what I want to do with my life, but it's a little better now.

I think realizing that my depression was originally fear of my future, which shifted to general depression after I was pressured into not attending my university because I didn't have every nickel covered (was about $10k short, on a $48k/year school), and forced to attend my local community college instead.
Where it got worse, with idiot classes and no friends in the very beginning.
I regret allowing myself to be pressured. Every day I wish I was at UOP. Every single day.
But I allowed it to happen. My manipulative, fearful mother conned me into not going.
She made logical arguments, but the crying fits after my acceptance and receival of my finical aid notice got me. And the threat of her anger and disappointment if I went anyway.
Her approval means so much to me, and she knows it.